Well Hello. It’s been a while.
And for that I sincerely apologise. There’s no real decent explanation,
other than the fact I’ve been really busy. I shall explain all shortly, but I
guess I should catch you up from my last blog post in December last year!
(December?! Jeez…).
First things first, I realise I’ve been incredibly tardy and not let
you all know how our meeting with the consultant on 10th December went.
Interesting, I think is the way to put it. The consultant was lovely and said
that all tests (even the dreaded HSG!!!) had come back absolutely fine, no
issues at all. Just as a final double check they wanted to give me an x-ray. An
internal x-ray. Dontcha just love it when they spring that on you?! So there I was
again, knickers round my ankles with no prior warning, having a probe covered
in a condom inserted. Yay. Still, they saw my ovaries clearly – to the point
where they could see an egg just about to pop**! Blimey. It really is all ok
then?! In which case why had it been (at that point) over 18 months with no
success??
So the consultant discharged us, there was nothing more they could do.
They don’t offer IVF on the NHS where we live (and we don’t fancy moving to the
nearest NHS Trust to us that does) so she gave us a price list and said it was
completely up to us how long we left it before we went down that route. We are
officially diagnosed with ‘unexplained infertility’ – in that everything seems
to be working, there is no reason why we shouldn’t be able to conceive, but for
whatever reason we can’t. She also asked us about stress, which was an
interesting conversation, as it is something both of us have wondered about.
And it’s something I will come back to in more detail later. But there you go. For
now at least; no more hospitals, no more drugs, no more prodding, poking and
unplanned insertions.
December 2013 also gave us our final slap in the face of the year.
Which is not a pleasant way of putting it, and I absolutely mean no ill will to
those concerned, but that’s how it felt. Plain and simple. We are very lucky in
that we have the most utterly gorgeous nephew and that we see my brother and
sister-in-law as often as time allows (my brother works shifts, which makes
finding a weekend we’re both free difficult). I was also very aware that they
wanted another baby, they didn’t want their son to be an only child. Brilliant,
I thought, I’m ok so if we can conceive within a cycle or two of each other the
cousins will be about the same age and how fab would that be!
On 22nd December they all came round to ours. They’d been
with us a while, nephew had been out splashing in puddles, and then they
dropped it on us. She was pregnant. And they hadn’t just found out – she was
due to have a 12 week scan a week later. Holy cow the mixed emotions. So thrilled
we would have another nephew or niece, wonderful our nephew would have a
brother or sister. Stunned that the lovely little picture I’d had in my head of
cousins together had just been torn up in to a hundred thousand little pieces
right in front of me. I couldn’t cope. I excused myself and went and sobbed,
whole-heartedly sobbed, in the bathroom.
What I must however state, despite all that, is just how incredibly touched
we both were by my brother and sister-in-law telling us when they did. Just the
five (altho I guess actually six!) of us together, before they had told any
friends or either set of parents. We were second to know after the doctor. And for
that I will be forever thankful. It did however present itself with a very
interesting set of circumstances when all the parents found out a few days
later as an extra Christmas present! I haven’t told her parents anything,
although I guess she could have so they might know, but my parents were
completely torn. Thrilled for them, but wanted to make sure we were ok.
So there you go. That’s all from December. Bye bye 2013 – you go down
as truly one of the worst years I have ever known. F*ck off, and roll on 2014 J
**and yes, having seen an egg
ready to pop we did indeed get to it for the next few days. Altho, as I’m
pretty sure you can guess, it didn’t work.
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