Morning folks.
Before I update you all on what's happened
in 2014 so far (apologies again for my distinct lack of blogs over the past
seven months or so….) I wanted to share some thoughts I've been having.
There are many of us in this wonderful TTC
community that I have discovered on Twitter and through reading other blogs. It
has been an incredible source of not only support but also information since I
embarked on this journey almost three years ago. As with most of you, I write
under a pseudonym and the vast majority of people in my life have no idea
what's been going on let alone how I really feel about it. I have a regular
twitter account as well as the one connected to this blog, but (I think…) the
pseudonym I have is carefully chosen so I'm as sure as I can be that I'm very
well hidden.
But how would I feel if those people who
really knew who I was found this blog and read it? I've not named any names
and, aside from family members where it is blindingly obvious, there are only a
few friends who I have described well enough for them (should they read it) to
work out who I'm talking about. I don't believe I've been mean or malicious
towards anyone. What I have been is very blunt and honest about how I've been
feeling. It's very raw. Almost every time I write a blog post or go through the
tweets of those I follow I well up and there have been many occasions I have
cried as I've been typing/reading. This 'rawness' is another reason I prefer to
stay anonymous. There's something about talking to strangers that makes it easier
to open up and talk honestly. Without fear of judgement I guess.
However, I have a friend (who I intend to
write more about) who has started writing her own blog about the struggles and
thoughts she has had whilst bringing up her son who has cerebral palsy. She has
been very honest about her journey (he is now about 8 months old I think) and
she has shared it openly on her Facebook page. I think this is an incredibly
brave thing to do. She has opened up about how she has found things and allowed
others to read and comment. Until last week no one (not even hubby) knew I
wrote this or had an alternative Twitter account. Her bravery led me to have a
very honest text conversation with her and I admitted, as hers had moved me so
much, that I wrote a blog too. I didn't tell her what it was about (she doesn't
know anything, although she may well have guessed to be fair) but I think I
would have done if she'd asked. I may yet let her know and send her a link, I
may not. But the fact I'd told her kinda made me think I'd better tell hubby!
Which I did. He said he didn't want to see it, or know where to look for it on
Twitter, as it was mine and something to help me. Which I understand. But he
did say he was pleased I was doing it and had such a supportive community
around me.
So, after discussions on Twitter about
publishing with another Tweeter (is that the correct noun?!) and finally
opening up to a couple of people that this exists, it kinda makes me wonder if
I want to dip my toe into the waters of making this public.... Once I've done
it I know I can't go back. It's an 'all or nothing' kinda decision! Part of me
is scared, part of me wants the world to know exactly what's been going on
behind closed doors.
The decision certainly needs a lot more
thought. So for now, dear readers, I think I'll leave it between us. As for the
future? Who knows.
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