Well, ladies and gentlemen, I think rock bottom has finally been hit. Hubby almost left me on Friday night. I got home from work and he said we needed some
time apart. He'd packed a bag and said he was going to stay at his parents for a
couple of nights. I fell apart, said I didn't want him to leave. He went
anyway. Got as far as his car and turned back. Broke his heart to see me that
upset, apparently. Cue another heart to heart.
He didn't know why he was unhappy, but he was. Said he just didn't want to stay, but couldn't say why. I said that I didn't feel as if he desired me, as if he wanted me. He admitted he was embarrassed by his lack of sexual experience. We both cried. No, we both sobbed. I really really hoped that this time the
actions would actually follow the words.
And then we had Saturday. Our new bed was due to arrive this week (and it has and it's gooooorgeous!!!) so we needed a new mattress. We could also do with replacing our three piece suite. All very grown up and big purchases! So, after spending the morning tidying up the house, we went out to our local retail park and looked at mattresses (found one! Why are mattresses so expensive?!) and nosed at sofas and suites. I did grab him in the sofa shop tho - with tears in my eyes I held his hands and said that these were very big things to buy and a commitment. One I wasn't prepared to make if he was going to walk out on me again. He looked me in the eye, said 'I won't' and kissed me on the forehead. Which somehow seemed more tender than if he'd kissed me on the lips.
We got lots of ideas from these shops and we wanted to keep the momentum of our good day going, bearing in mind how horrific Friday night had been. It was only about 3pm, and hubby had suggested earlier going out for dinner that night, so I hatched a plan. Once back from the retail park we popped over the road and bought a bottle of bubbly (prosecco rather champagne but hey, sometimes fizz is fizz!) and drank it while we got ready to go 'out out'. I put on a full face of make up (something I haven't done for goodness knows how long) and I straightened my hair. Hubby ironed a brand new shirt and polished his shoes. Off we went.
We had a drink first, then to one of our favourite restaurants for dinner (three courses and a bottle of wine!) and a drink somewhere else before we went home. And because we'd been careful with our timings we avoided the usual Saturday night scrum (made worse at this time of year.....) and were home before 9pm. We both went upstairs to get changed and he grabbed me once I'd got down to my underwear. Passionately kissed me, knocked a couple of things flying, what clothing we both had left on went everywhere and..... Well. Do I really need to say it?!
It didn't last long, it wasn't brilliant. But it happened. It was passionate and I felt a fire inside that I thought we'd lost. Clearly it was still just about smouldering away and I'll be damned if I'm going to let it go out completely now that I know a semblance of it is still there. We're planning another night out for a couple of weeks time. Fingers crossed for the same outcome! Altho to be honest the last thing I want is to put pressure on ourselves for it to happen but hell - I am not letting the momentum slide.......
