Well hello there folks. Apologies that I've been quiet of late, May to October is my insanely busy time at work, as rubbish an excuse as that is I'm afraid it's that simple. I've just been very very busy and, if I'm honest, I've lacked not only the time to post but the energy.
If you've read my last post back in May (May??!) you'll know we're at a bit of a crossroads. If you haven't read it you can find it here. Since that rather confessional blog I've been wondering if there is actually anything further to share on here. Nevertheless blogs have been brewing in my head and I still feel that I have things I want to write about, whether that's our struggles or other things that go through my mind that I'm not sure I could share anywhere other than this very safe environment that I know not many people (in the grand scheme of things! No offence dear reader) read.
And what has been going through my mind of late? Where are we in the world? We're going on holiday next week which is something I'm very much looking forward to, off to NYC which is one of my favourite places in the world outside of the UK. That itself however comes with a hangover to where we are with 'things'. We still aren't having sex, it's almost like we're now just so scared of doing it we're avoiding it altogether. Since I last posted hubby has started a new job, completed a vast training schedule and is now all fully-fledged and into his probationary period. It involves shift work which means we aren't necessarily in bed at the same time (not that a bed is always needed, I know this, but let's start more practical and work up from there shall we?!) and has been knackered for most of the summer as he gets used to the shift pattern and a job which is much harder than anything he's done previously. He is however very very much enjoying it which is completely the main thing!
So. We both have new jobs now. We've moved house. Yet still that one thing that our infertility journey broke between us has not been fixed. Which takes me back to our holiday. We also went away in April; all inclusive, five star, sunshine, cocktails, pool, relaxing. That'll sort things surely! - we thought. We were wrong. So, to our holiday next week. Let's just have a really good time and see what happens - we both say to each other. We'll see. As that in itself creates its own pressures. There is a part of me that is so sure we just need to do it once, just once, and no matter how awkward or unproductive that first time is we know we've got over the biggest hurdle. The first brick is the hardest. As it were!
Wow. I genuinely didn't mean for my first blogpost in almost five months to be about our sex life! (or lack of it) but I guess it's an important part of this journey. And where else am I going to get all of these thoughts out of my head and straightened out?! Thank you, dear reader, for being my sounding board. For being the non-judgmental ear that I can share this all with. Where would I be without you eh?! Best not go there really......
Back soon :)
