Well, it's been a couple of weeks since I wrote anything and while in some respects not a lot has happened, in other respects a lot has happened.
I have had my eyes opened to a couple of things, first another blogger going through similar experiences to my own - http://unpreggoeggo.blogspot.co.uk/ which was incredibly uplifting to read. To know it's not just me, naive as it sounds, there are sometimes it seems as if you're the only one going through something like this as everyone is so happy - and getting pregnant. It was also lovely to read the blog as it's reassuring that other people are finding ways through this. The few people that do know have almost laughed at the fact this seems to be the 'unspeakable' subject. No one talks about it.
Secondly I read a very moving article about friends of friends that went through a very difficult time with their son. The story is here http://kabukiuk.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=46&Itemid=55 and again is heartwarming. It's also a timely reminder that whilst some people are incredibly fortunate that they can fall pregnant, it isn't always that simple.
We've also taken a bit of a momentous decision this month. We've decided not to lie any more. It has taken it's toll on both of us to keep pretending all is ok. Whenever anyone mentions children we've just laughed and said "am sure we will at some point! plenty of time" but it's just getting harder and harder to say, and it is taking more and more effort to put that mask. So we've said that if anyone asks, we'll be honest. There are some people who have been incredibly thoughtful, they know we want kids and have been married over two years so it has already crossed their mind that we might be having problems. It's easier talking to these kind of people, those that know it isn't always rosy behind closed doors just because you open that door with a smile on your face.
We've also found out that more friends are pregnant. Which is weird - I am always always pleased for these people, please don't get me wrong! I would hate anyone else to go through what we are going through and so I'm always thrilled when friends tell me they're pregnant. Trouble is the last couple to do so were more unexpected. That's all. I knew they'd have kids at some point, but they've been married only just for one year and whenever they've been around children they've always made comments about having no idea what to do with them! I'm sure they will make fantastic parents, and like I say I am thrilled for them, but for some reason that one has hit me harder.
So there you go. Unfortunately I'm under time pressure at the moment so will need to leave this one here. Am sure there will be more to come soon, but for now - take care folks xx
