You really didn't think it had all gone away did you?!
(read about all the initial fun and games here and here, plus this will give you an idea of things too)
It reached a peak at oldest nephew's birthday in September. Youngest nephew and our niece had their birthdays in July whilst we were still under lockdown, or just as things were easing, so the grandparents spent one day of their birthday weekends with them in their garden and we spent the other day with them. All went well. Or as well as these things go, anyway.
Oldest nephew's birthday was after the 'rule of six' was introduced and this angered my brother as they had already planned the birthday - we'd go and watch him play football in the morning then go back to theirs for a BBQ. After the new rules were introduced we were uncomfortable with this as it would mean 11 people at my brother's, including the children admittedly but in England children weren't exempt from the rule of six so there you go. Both my brother and my husband are in a line of work where it wouldn't just be frowned upon if they broke the rules, it could be news and is certainly not something hubby particularly wanted to face.
Hubby texted my brother, very politely, about this and got some very curt replies - essentially saying that he'd decided to do this for his son's birthday and he didn't care how we felt about it. I managed to persuade hubby to go back to their house just for an hour, we'd be outside at least and we could then make excuses and leave.
However, nephew decided he didn't want to miss his golf lesson. That would therefore mean staying at their house for 5 hours (nephew would go home after football, have a quick lunch then go out to golf lesson, presents and BBQ when he got back) and we really didn't want to do that. We said we were uncomfortable, we were asked if we had any other plans (i.e. why couldn't we stay longer) and when I said that we were nervous about breaking the rule of six and wanted to minimise our risk we got a lecture. And this, I hasten to add, all took place in the family WhatsApp group (I say 'family' group, hubby isn't a member as my brother controls it, their texts were just between the two of them). The following is then sent by my brother:
"There will be different tables for different groups of us. It's NEPHEW'S birthday and we want to do the same as we did for OTHER NEPHEW and NIECE otherwise it's not fair. Didn't need HUBBY texting me saying it's not a good idea. He's our son and I've been open with everyone about it and left it up to them with regards what they're comfortable with. NEPHEW wants to do golf after football and there's not a lot of time in between plus they need lunch. To be honest the kids have had enough upheaval so far so the rule of six can go fuck itself just for one day so NEPHEW can have a nice birthday."
Hhhhmmmmmmm.
1. Hubby didn't text him saying it wasn't a good idea, just that we weren't comfortable with it
2. This isn't the same as you did for the others as their birthdays were split over weekends and not done all in one day
I replied to say we'd just come for the football then and the reply was "I'll bite my tongue for the sake of NEPHEW, mum and dad". I wasn't having that, I'd had enough so I texted back "Fair enough, I've bitten my tongue for years."
And that was that. The day of nephew's birthday comes round and off we trot to see him play football. As usual, SIL just ignores me the entire time but I chat a bit to mum and play with other nephew and niece. At the end of the game my brother (who also coaches the team) is clearing up and wanders over to us to pick up some cones and I said something like 'good game!' to which, whilst still staring at the cones and not looking at me at all, my brother says 'I'm not talking to you' and just walks off. Charming.
Eldest nephew comes up and we chat about the game. He asks if we're coming back to his house and when we say we're very sorry but we can't he looks so sad, my heart breaks a little but neither of us want to break the rules. Mum even turns to me and says 'if you're that upset just come' to which I reply, through tears, that we can't. I start talking about my brother and she makes it very clear that we're adults now so need to sort it out the two of us.
Hubby drives home whilst I sit in floods of tears. I can't do this anymore. I can't feel like this every time I have an interaction with my brother that he doesn't agree with. I hate feeling like this whenever we see each other or discuss anything. He rarely see things from my point of view and is just so controlling, it's his way or that's it. And the knot in my stomach just grows.
The next day my dad posts some photos in the family group of the afternoon in their garden. My SIL, who never ever EVER usually posts in our family group (she put in the odd emoji when we were updating on our IVF treatment but that's it, I don't think she's ever contributed otherwise), replies as follows to the photos: What lovely photos, was such a lovely social distancing birthday party in the garden!! Thank you for coming and for sticking with being out in the garden even though it was a little windy.
Wow. How passive aggressive can you get?! Again, I couldn't do it anymore. I posted: It doesn't matter how socially distanced it was, it was a gathering of more than six people and therefore it was illegal. Things are clearly still raw after yesterday so I'm going to leave this group for a while.
And with that I left the family group. The relief was immense. I've still not been let back in (as you can imagine, a lot more has happened since, further blogs to follow) as my brother is the only admin and he doesn't want me in there. It was only ever things aimed at my parents anyway, I was rarely included and I rarely posted. Plus hubby has never been in the group.
But that wasn't the end of it by a long shot. Oh no, more was to come. More and far far worse.
