It's been just over four months now since we decided to give things another shot and I must say, so far so good. We're taking things at our own pace and, weirdly, not living together I think is helping. I'm also getting laid, which again helps!! We've had a few minor hiccups, but he's dealt with them differently to how I believe he would have done a couple of years ago. Hell even one year ago. And whilst I'm not looking at dates, we're not using any form of contraception when we do have sex so who knows.
The only thing that is putting a spanner in the works isn't even to do with him. As you may remember, I have sold my flat and am moving to a new property. The chain involves two properties and three people and it was complete on 28th April yet I STILL haven't moved yet.............. (if any Americans reading this don't know how the UK house sale/purchase process works, google it :D ). I was really hoping it would all be tied up and sorted before my busy time at work in mid-August but I realised I just had to let that go, it'll happen when it happens.
Whilst this is annoying on one level as, as much as I love my flat, I'm ready to leave it behind me and move on, it's also affecting our 'recoupling'. My new place is walking distance from where he now lives and therefore easier to be more, erm, spontaneous. I don't have a sofa at my current place (he took our sofa when he moved out, mum said she's buy me a new one but no point doing that until I've moved) and so it's not quite the same sitting next to each other on camping chairs as it is snuggling on a sofa.
BUT!!! I am finally moving next week. At last it feels like I can move on. The past few weeks have just felt like limbo, like I've been waiting for my life to start. It's no way to live.... I've even lost my sex drive. And yes, I am aware of that irony! I've just been so on edge and grumpy, all the little things that annoy me about where I live and that are the reasons (aside from the obvious!) that I wanted to move seem more pronounced. I can rarely find somewhere to park (new place has off street parking and is in a quiet cul de sac), I have to go up two flights of stairs (new place is ground floor), I get sick of people not closing the door to the block properly and leaving rubbish in communal areas (new place has my own front door and no communal areas). Not long to go though and I really CAN NOT WAIT!
Despite the mass excitement about moving I still feel far too fragile and protective over our fledgling new relationship to let anyone else in, to let anyone else know. I need to make sure he has changed. Four months is still far far far too early, despite all the promising signs. And, to be honest, it's not really fair to judge him on the past three weeks or so when it's been my fault we've not really had sex and I've been really grumpy.
We have booked a holiday though! We're going back to the same place we went to last October, which was after we'd split up but before he'd moved out. We had a wonderful time but the atmosphere between us just wasn't quite right, like there was a black cloud hanging over us and following us around. This time there will be no such cloud. Oh, and my sister-in-law is still gas lighting me and winding me up but who cares. Stupid little cow. My brother is also absolutely apoplectic that hubby and I are going away together. As far as anyone else knows we're just friends and he can't get his head around the fact we still see each other, some of hubby's friends have said the same. But the conversation on that topic with my brother was quite scary - the vitriol he spouted was something else. But I have grown this year. After the horrendous way this year started it seems to be ending pretty well. And after everything I went through with brother and sister-in-law earlier this year I no longer give a damn what they think. It's my life. Fuck 'em. If things do continue to go well I will of course tell the world at some point, early (ish?) next year at my best guess, so until then everyone else will just have to lump it and keep their noses out of my life. I'll deal with that as and when the time comes. At the moment I'm happy, and everything else is crap.
No comments:
Post a Comment