Well. Where are we now?! Another month* has passed since our 'review' date (the conclusion of which you can read about here) and whilst so many things have changed, there is an area which has seen no change at all.
I no longer feel like I am living with a teenager, which is wonderful. The atmosphere at home is nowhere near as bad as it was even six weeks ago and we're both positive about our future. However. We are still, STILL, not having sex. We're not even fooling around. I have made my feelings on this very very clear. Even if we don't end up having children then that burden will be easier to bear if we are in a fulfilled relationship. Which at the moment we are not. I'm climbing the fucking walls.
He refuses to see a counsellor. Says he doesn't see the point. That he'll be fine. I feel like our relationship is in so much better a place than it has been for ages, I am back to wanting a sexual relationship with him. But he is absolutely not interested. He finally confessed the other day that whilst he is definitely still in love with me, he isn't in lust with me and has zero sex drive. How do you change that?! He seems to be of the opinion it will just change over time, without any input or help or anything else. It'll just change. All by itself. Funnily enough I'm unconvinced........
Other things are complicating matters. The flat I own is now empty, it's been redecorated and I've put new carpet in. I've had it valued. It's worth more than I thought it was therefore the logistical thing to do is to sell it and buy a house for us to have a future in. Despite my frustrations we have made great progress since the end of last year. And I don't want that to disappear or even for us to go backwards, and I really think that if we move back to my one bedroom flat then that is what will happen (we have to be out of our rental, where we are currently, this summer). I think we will have a much better chance of a future together in a house. However risky it is to buy with someone I'm not 100% sure I'll be with in a years' time, I believe the risk of not doing it is greater.
So. My flat is on the market. I don't want to sell it, but only in the same way that you don't want to give your favourite jumper to a charity shop even though you know you don't wear it anymore and someone else will get much better use out of it. The only issue is that there really aren't that many houses out there! I know we don't have to start properly looking until my flat is under offer but there are depressingly few options at the moment.
So there you go, that is where we are now. We have made so much progress. We are planning for the future. And yet, still, there is a gap in our relationship. Now what?!
*confession - I wrote this post a month ago so it's slightly out of date. Another update will follow shortly.....
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